I want just 1 Voice

Basically, I just REALLY dont want my present to be my future. I want some sort of understanding, that there is a path, or action plan for me. I NEED this one comfort of knowing that im 'getting there'
That a change is gon' come. (big tune)

This is my fear/thought 'What is my life going to look like in the future , if im not sure how to change/better myself now and essentially get better' ?

Its going to look the same as today, thats what, and I really really dont want that.
I feel like, if im still fighting to live when im in my 30's or 40's, then I really and truly rather die now.

In 5 years +I dont want to still be fighting, and trying to figure out, how I can have at least a year long stretch where I dont long for death.
I want to do the work NOW and get there.
Im willing to do anything thats reasonable, Im a hard worker.
I want the chance to be an amazing person and live an amazing life.
A person who can be relied on to be the same amazing person tomorrow, as I was yesterday.

When I do have children, I want to be a mother who is a rock. I dont want to have babies, while im still crying for days on end in secret, in the bathroom.
I want to be a singer who can love what she does. I don't want to write music and loath it at the same time. I want to be knowledgable and experienced in giving myself the patience I need, to grow as a musician.

I just need to know that someday, I can and will be solid.
Solid enough to do what my hero's have done, and live how they have. Not in terms of what they've achieved, but to have the 'one clear voice' which represents their character.
...cause right now the voice(s) of my character varies from being unsuredly hopeful to being sure that pain is all there is for me.