In heading into my third week of ECT (http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/electroconvulsive-therapy/basics/definition/prc-20014161)
Im sore, exhausted and very depressed. I'm suicidal in a new persistent way.
if this ECT doesn't work, i can't imagine how long ill last.
This blog is an experiment in sharing what my Depression feels like, possibly helping or encouraging myself and/or others.
My dark
I dont get to start my life.
I cant chase my dreams. I wait. I wait. And wait. And wait. And then here it is, here it starts and ends.
My darkness comes.
Making my skin crawl, and my face distort.
Making my dreams fall, and my safe leave.
Making me hate more than you can ever imagine being able to loath every single thought that comes to my own mind.
Takes my memories and makes them a lie.
Takes my abilities and makes them joke.
Takes my body and makes it a burden and a torture.
Takes my life and makes it impossible.
Speaking is torture. Moving is irratating.
Bathing is out of the question.
Looking in a mirror is an invitation to imagine ripping my face off.
Knowing it is all for sure is the only real thing. period.
This is what my thoughts and feelings look like when my dark comes - my depression.
