blogging while in the deep end

Blogging while in the deep end seems obvious. 2.5 weeks ago i overdosed trying to end it, and wound up in the ICU and, clearly lived. My life feels life has fallen apart, and that the decision to try to overdose feels like it cemented it to being so horrible. Trying to live while battling my illness, while trying keep it a secret, is too difficult. No one knows how horrified i am, all the time or even if i had fibermyljia , or some other illness spawn from depression, it would be nameable. maybe anyways, i should be blogging, since being so bored right now is this whole other battle - with my mind as it is, its like fuel to the fire. I sit inside my head all day, manically calculating how horrifying multiple aspects of life are. My life, other peoples lives i know, and millions i don’t know. then thinking about who i have to tell, and who i shouldn’t tell, about trying to off myself - so stressful i can’t handle it money is on the roaster too. how i might get kicked out of where i live, and how that would make things worse. i also don't know if i want my thoughts in writing for future