suicide

Ive been extremely suicidal for weeks now. By extremely i mean i can't stop thinking about it, imagining it, and longing for it all day.lots of intrusive thoughts that are violent and scary. I am tortured by the ways that i am not equipped to kill myself, i don't have a gun or poison etc. Then i settle on jumping off a bridge. yesterday i decided when my boyfriend left i would take a lot of pills to sedate me (my sleeping pills and antidepressants) and put a bag over my head. then secure it with a velco strip i have, then zip tie my hands behind my back. I think i can actually manage to zip tie my hands behind my back, i wonder if I'm right. i knew it would be so painful to die by lack of air, but i kept telling myself how worth the pain it would be. I had some peace of mind once i decided i would do it. peace of mind is really not even close to what i had, but i was able to just obsess over what it would be like to be gone, instead of obsessing over ways to kill myself that would fail and be painful. i don't know if i should cancel my trip to jamaica, but I'm very sure it would cause me more initial stress if i did. I'm trying to adjust to being this suicidal, and continue the things i need to do like move and do homework I hope if i do kill myself, the message can be spread that depression took my life and i always fought with all that i could fight with.