My dark

I dont get to start my life.

I cant chase my dreams. I wait. I wait. And wait. And wait. And then here it is, here it starts and ends.

My darkness comes.

Making my skin crawl, and my face distort.

Making my dreams fall, and my safe leave.

Making me hate more than you can ever imagine being able to loath every single thought that comes to my own mind.

Takes my memories and makes them a lie.

Takes my abilities and makes them joke.

Takes my body and makes it a burden and a torture.

Takes my life and makes it impossible.

Speaking is torture. Moving is irratating.

Bathing is out of the question.

Looking in a mirror is an invitation to imagine ripping my face off.

Knowing it is all for sure is the only real thing. period.

This is what my thoughts and feelings look like when my dark comes - my depression.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

What i really want people to know

if i was ever to leave, and leave all  the questions with you all, it would be - depression took me.
I would really really want people to try to understand that depression, a disease that kills, killed me.

I didn't get a chance to be someone who could answer your questions.

I didn't get to make music
i didn't get to have friends and loves
i didn't get to figure out a career
i didn't get to be a person who is happy to be living life
i didn't get to anything

and if its keeping me from it all, then the end feels so.. genuine.

there it is, the subscribing to and from death.
like committing to and from it.

series of emotional commitments leading down the steps

 there might be something to an adhd diagnosis actually happening.

the worst part is, right now i don't hardly hear music inside, and THAT shit is depressing.





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